3 entries —
each with practical steps, what to avoid, and guidance on when professional support may help.
Sibling Relationships
Reducing Sibling Comparisons
Suitable for: All children with siblings
Comparing siblings — even positively — tends to generate competition and resentment rather than motivation. A child told they are "better at that than their brother" may feel pride momentarily but is also being told something about their sibling that shapes how they relate.
Each child constructs their sense of who they are partly in relation to the people closest to them. When caregivers make comparisons frequently, children may solidify into roles ("the sporty one," "the difficult one") that are harder to move out of over time.
Practical Steps
- Praise each child's effort relative to their own previous performance.
- Notice and comment on each child's individual strengths without reference to siblings.
- Avoid announcing one child's achievement in a way that highlights another's gap.
- When a child raises a comparison ("But he got to do it"), address their feeling rather than the fairness argument.
- Notice whether you're falling into habitual descriptions of each child in the family.
Avoid this:
Positive comparisons as well as critical ones — both create comparison as the frame of reference.
Keep in mind:
Siblings will inevitably compare themselves to each other. The caregiver's role is to avoid reinforcing this as the primary measure of value.
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Sibling Relationships
Managing Sibling Conflict
Suitable for: All children with siblings
Sibling conflict is nearly universal, and a certain amount of it is part of how children learn to navigate disagreement, fairness, and repair with the people they are closest to.
Siblings provide a low-stakes environment for working through the social skills of negotiation and compromise. Caregivers who resolve every conflict immediately remove the opportunity for children to develop those skills.
Practical Steps
- Allow minor conflicts to proceed without adult involvement where safe to do so.
- When you intervene, avoid assigning blame before listening to both children.
- Coach the process rather than providing the solution: "What would be fair to both of you?"
- Address the conflict separately from the comfort — tend to hurt feelings before discussing what happened.
- Avoid consistently siding with the younger child — this is noticed.
Avoid this:
Regularly appointing one child as the responsible or mature one — this creates an unfair role for both children.
Keep in mind:
The frequency of conflict is less significant than how it is handled and repaired. Sibling relationships are long-term, and repair is a skill worth teaching.
When to consider professional support:
If conflict between siblings involves physical harm, or one child consistently lives in fear of the other, this warrants professional support.
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Sibling Relationships
Preparing for a New Sibling
Suitable for: Toddlers to school age
A new baby significantly changes the experience of every existing child in the household. Preparation helps, but no amount of preparation fully accounts for the reality — which is that feelings after the baby arrives may be more complicated than anyone expected.
Children often manage the idea of a sibling quite well before the baby arrives and then experience genuine distress after, because the reality is different from the expectation. This is normal and does not mean the preparation failed.
Practical Steps
- Talk about the change before it happens in age-appropriate terms.
- Involve the older child in preparation where possible.
- Acknowledge that feelings — including jealousy, anger, or indifference — are all acceptable.
- Protect some one-to-one time with the older child after the baby arrives.
- Avoid asking the older child to be "the big one" or to manage feelings that are appropriate for their age.
Avoid this:
Suggesting the new baby is a playmate who will want to do the same things the older child does.
Keep in mind:
Some regression (returning to earlier habits around sleep, toileting, or attachment) is common in older children after a sibling arrives. It usually passes.
When to consider professional support:
If the existing child's distress is significantly affecting daily life for an extended period, a family counsellor can be helpful.
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A Reminder
The guidance on this page is general. Children develop at different rates and family
circumstances vary. If you have ongoing concerns about your child\'s behaviour, development,
health, or emotional wellbeing, please contact a qualified professional such as a paediatrician,
psychologist, or family therapist. General advice has limits.