4 entries —
each with practical steps, what to avoid, and guidance on when professional support may help.
General Information Only
These articles provide general guidance and are not a substitute for professional advice.
Development varies between children. If you have concerns about your child, contact a qualified
professional. Read our disclaimer.
Praising results tends to make children cautious about attempting things they might not do well. Praising effort tends to make them more willing to try difficult things.
When children hear "you're so clever" or "you're so good at that," they often become anxious about situations where they might not demonstrate that quality. Effort, however, is something they can control.
Practical Steps
Focus praise on the process: "You kept trying even when that part was difficult."
Describe what you observed rather than offering evaluative labels: "You figured out a way to do it differently."
Treat mistakes as information: "What do you think happened there?"
Let children see you make mistakes and recover without distress.
Avoid praising every output equally — children notice when praise is generic.
Avoid this:
Protecting children from all experiences of difficulty or failure. Appropriate struggle is where skill-building happens.
Keep in mind:
Some children are particularly hard on themselves around imperfection. For these children, praise of effort may need to be accompanied by explicit acknowledgement that imperfect attempts are expected and fine.
When to consider professional support:
Extreme distress about mistakes, perfectionism that prevents attempting tasks, or high anxiety about being evaluated may be worth discussing with a psychologist.
Shyness is not a problem to solve. It is a temperamental trait that some children have and that often co-exists with thoughtfulness, careful observation, and a preference for fewer, deeper connections.
Repeatedly labelling a child as "shy" — even affectionately — can turn a personality feature into a fixed identity. Children who are told they are shy may use it as an explanation rather than a starting point.
Practical Steps
Avoid labelling the child as shy in their presence.
Don't force social performance ("Say hello to everyone, don't be shy.").
Prepare them for new social situations in advance.
Allow them to warm up at their own pace without drawing attention to it.
Acknowledge their preference without amplifying it: "You're taking your time to get comfortable — that's fine."
Avoid this:
Pushing a hesitant child into the social spotlight specifically to show they can manage it.
Keep in mind:
Quietness and caution in social situations are not the same as anxiety. If the child is also experiencing significant distress in these situations, that is a different consideration.
When to consider professional support:
If social situations produce significant distress rather than just hesitation, a psychologist or child counsellor can help assess whether additional support would be useful.
How a child responds to making a mistake is partly shaped by the responses they have received from adults. Children who are supported through mistakes calmly tend to develop more resilience than those who are rescued or criticised.
Mistakes are data — they tell the child where the gap is between intention and result. When caregivers treat mistakes as problems rather than information, children learn that mistakes are dangerous to make.
Practical Steps
Stay calm when the child makes a mistake — your reaction shapes theirs.
Ask what happened rather than assuming: "What do you think went wrong there?"
Help them identify the repair rather than doing it for them.
Acknowledge how frustrating mistakes can feel without catastrophising.
Share your own mistakes occasionally without excessive self-criticism.
Avoid this:
The phrase "I told you so," even when accurate — it forecloses learning.
Keep in mind:
Younger children have very limited capacity for self-reflection about mistakes. Keep the conversation brief and forward-looking.
Many children are reluctant to ask for help — they may feel it signals incompetence, they may fear the response, or they may simply not yet have the words.
Children who can ask for help effectively have access to a resource that children who can't are missing. This has academic, social, and emotional implications.
Practical Steps
Make your own requests for help visible: "I can't figure this out — can you help me?"
Respond warmly and without excessive fuss when the child does ask.
Teach the specific phrase if the child seems stuck: "Can you show me how?"
Avoid responding to an obvious difficulty without the child having asked — let them initiate.
Separate asking for help from failing — they are not the same thing.
Avoid this:
Responding to requests for help with frustration or with "you should know this by now."
Keep in mind:
Some children are more naturally inclined toward independence and resist asking even when they're struggling. This is a temperamental tendency rather than a problem to correct forcibly.
The guidance on this page is general. Children develop at different rates and family
circumstances vary. If you have ongoing concerns about your child\'s behaviour, development,
health, or emotional wellbeing, please contact a qualified professional such as a paediatrician,
psychologist, or family therapist. General advice has limits.